My Ex Girlfriend Are Pushing Me Away Again
This is a detailed analysis of why contacting your ex volition very probable push your ex further away. It's uncomfortable to read but necessary if you're trying to become dorsum your ex.
When someone asks, "will contacting my ex push them farther away?"; they have a real legitimate concern that contacting their ex will push them farther away.
People who know how much contact is not too much and not too little that is has no impact do not worry that contacting their ex volition push them further abroad. Merely if this is something you worry almost every time you think of contacting your ex or scares; you're right to worry and be agape.
Fearfulness of pushing an ex further away is real
Proponents of "positive thinking" will tell you lot that fear is merely False Evidence Appearing Real. Just if in the past y'all've said or done things that scared off your ex; or pushed them away, your fear is REAL considering it'south based on (very) existent evidence.
That part of y'all that knows you really well knows that you volition exercise it again. You will scare off your ex considering when you try to get close to people y'all love you overwhelm or suffocate them.
You lot don't know when you are request for too much of their time and infinite. You don't know when you are trying too hard or pushing too hard for things to happen. And when you effort to express your needs, wants, feelings or emotions, you come off equally nagging, complaining and/or needy and clingy.
There is nothing incorrect with needing contact and connection
There is nothing wrong with 'needing" someone or "needing" your ex. Wanting to talk to someone you dearest and share your time and infinite with them is why we seek and get in relationships in the first identify. The need to be connected, share your time, infinite and life with someone you dearest is a healthy and beautiful expression of love.
But in our socially networked but socially asunder civilisation, "needing" someone is almost like the worst sin you tin ever commit. Many of us are afraid to say "I need you" or "I need my ex" considering people are like "get a life!"
You lot say "I need" someone and people automatically assume you lot are co-dependent or accept dysfunctional zipper bug.
Why needing closeness drives your ex further away
It'southward when our need for connection and closeness becomes a trouble for the person we want to get close to; that needing them becomes something unhealthy and damaging to a relationship.
What I am saying hither is that what pushes your ex further is Not that you demand them; and are contacting them or even want to spend time with them. What pushes your ex farther abroad is the unhealthy and damaging mode you go almost seeking closeness and connection.
If your demand for contact and connection pushes someone you lot love further away, information technology'due south most likely that yous have an anxious zipper style.
An anxious attachment way makes you needy
People with an broken-hearted zipper style accept an unhealthy demand for closeness. "Unhealthy: here is relative because the limits or boundary for closeness is dissimilar for everyone; and 'too much' closeness is defined past what works for two people in the relationship. But if when you lot try to get shut to someone, it makes them want to pull farther away; you want more closeness than they do.
Granted, some people like dismissive avoidants have an unhealthy need for emotional, physical and sexual distance; and demand a lot more 'space' and fourth dimension away from a human relationship partner. Merely if relationship afterwards relationship, your demand for closeness is one of the reasons for the pause-up, yous take an unhealthy demand for closeness.
Contacting your ex is not the reason your ex pulls abroad
Having an unhealthy demand for closeness means that you don't know when you are request for too much of a relationship partner's and space. You may also have a hard time respecting their need for infinite. When you text your ex for example, you don't know when to end a conversation or when to stop texting them if they're not responding.
And because you don't know when 'too much" is "too much", you end up pushing an ex further abroad. But instead of recognizing that y'all have unhealthy demand for closeness and working to fix information technology, you lot conclude that contacting your ex pushes them further away. You lot ignore the fact that there are so many other who contact their ex; merely because they know when 'besides much" is "too much"; they don't end up pushing their ex further away.
Yous shouldn't exist agape to contact your ex
Yous shouldn't be agape to contact your ex; or suppress your need for contact, connectedness and closeness. You should instead be trying to learn how to respect each other's needs for closeness; regardless of whether you like being close and your ex prefers less closeness.
The ability to respect each other's demand for connection and closeness is one reason deeply attached individuals accept more fulfilling and lasting relationships. Information technology's also the reason many of my clients who go securely attached mail break-up have more success attracting dorsum their ex.
RELATED:
How to Get Back Your Ex With Force per unit area Free Contact
3 Ways No Contact Hurts Your Chances (Attachment Styles)
Attract Back An Avoidant Ex:1 – Attachment Styles Can Help
Source: https://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/will-contacting-your-ex-push-them-further-away/
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